Oh the woes of finding true love, unfortunately at times it becomes a bit of an uphill battle with our self esteem.

Let take a look at a few familiar situations and get a reality check on how to not let another person’s actions define who you are and what you are deserving of.

Dating: he never called you.

Hmm so you went on a few dates with a guy, or perhaps just one and everything was going really well! In your mind it was the perfect date, great conversation, chemistry, you had sooo much in common and you laughed the whole night.

Perhaps you even had a perfect first kiss, in short you’d already planned the next 6 months together in your head and even tried on his last name!

And then the unthinkable happens, he doesn’t call you, is aloof and basically leaves you high and dry! Well it wasn’t quite the response you had intended on getting NB: note to self, must take wedding dress off layby , will think of a plausible excuse.

Men do weird things; they are from another planet remember so let’s not get caught up in basing our self value off their reactions and actions towards us. If a man pulls back or has decided that he doesn’t want to date you anymore, don’t automatically jump to conclusions that there is something wrong with you.

We can over think, over analyze and over question till we are blue in the face and it won’t change the reality of the situation. Perhaps he wasn’t in the same place as you and it’s better to know early on then later down the track, so count your blessings, let it go and move on to the next.

You have a choice to either focus your energy and emotions on a man that isn’t interested or on moving forward and keeping the door open for a man that will be.

Game player: hot and cold like the weather

Life is complicated enough without feeling like you have to walk on eggshells or play games to try and keep a man interested in you. If he’s giving you mixed signals then it’s time to back off and start re- focusing on yourself and what you want.

Don’t become so consumed with trying to fit into someone’s mold that you lose sight of who you are or forget what you have to offer.

A man that has his life together and knows what he wants is the sort of man you want to be with, not some wishy –washy-come-and-go type of muppet who can’t appreciate you.

Break-up: “it’s not you it’s me”

Agh the beginnings of an ending! Chin up girl, it didn’t work out and he has broken if off but don’t let yourself fall into a pit of despair, chocolate and tissues, you are worth more than that!

Whilst it’s important to grieve the ending of one relationship it’s also just as significant to not blame yourself for why he walked away. We are all on a journey, no one is perfect and perhaps you could have and should have done things differently, or maybe you were bloody amazing and it’s just his baggage?!

Either way it wasn’t meant to be and the success or failure of a relationship does not define you. Don’t base your self worth, your present heartache or your future decisions on this breakup or this man.

You are a whole person, you have a lot to offer and at the right time the right man will see this and appreciate it.

Know who you are, know your value.

It all starts here; you must fall in love with yourself first. This does not mean taking a #selfie every 5 seconds for the masses of social media, it means making conscious decisions to treat yourself with worth and learning to say no to others peoples baggage and mistreatment of you.

If you struggle with low self esteem then make it a priority to improve it by surrounding yourself with positive people, achieving personal goals ( and acknowledging yourself for these achievements) ,addressing issues with a counselor and keeping yourself accountable to people who love you and want the best for you .

Just because a man has rejected you it does not mean you are a failure, ugly, unworthy of love or going to die alone! And remember: