Is he over his ex?
I don’t know if you’ve ever been in that position where you’ve been dating somebody and all of a sudden they talk about their ex a little bit too much, or they call you by her name.
Which leads to him not being emotionally available to be able to give you the committed relationship that you deserve.
All right, I want to tell you a little bit of a story
I dated a guy back in my early ’20s and it was so clear, not until of course, later on that he was not over his ex. Even his sisters and family at the time was like, “Oh yeah, she was a big part of his life.” He was with a girl for a couple of years, obviously it was his first love and when they broke up I was the girl after her.
Now there was some really obvious signs, like he had photos of her and him still in his drawer and once he even told me that I can try on some of her clothes if I wanted to because her clothes were still at his house.
Anyway, I know what it’s like. And what I want to do is I want to give you the signs that maybe he actually isn’t over his ex, because the last thing that I want you to do is be in denial or fall for someone who isn’t emotionally available or find out that you are a rebound in that relationship and it’s not really going to go anywhere. Okay.
Here is the first sign. He references her a lot.
Now when I say reference her, sometimes we can talk about our past. It’s normal to talk about our past, especially if we’ve had a marriage before or a longterm relationship and we all know that we all have histories, but if he’s constantly speaking about her and bringing her up, even if he calls her my ex, then clearly she is still in his thoughts.
Now, whether or not he is over her might be irrelevant. The fact that he’s still has her in his subconscious and he’s still referring to her all the time, shows that there is a part of him that is still attached to whatever it is that he had with her.
Now, one of the ways that you can know that he isn’t over her and referencing her is through his jokes. Men often reveal the truth in their jokes. So if they joke about, “Oh, my ex didn’t use to do that, or thank goodness you do this because my ex, she always used to do this instead and I hated it,” goes to show that, well, why are you even comparing me to your ex in the first place?
Why is she even in the picture?
The last thing that you want to do is feel that you’re in a relationship with three people, right? His ex, you and him.
So if he’s joking about her, even if it’s in a negative way, if he’s comparing you to her and says the ex or says her name, then really she’s in his subconscious and that’s because he either hasn’t gotten over her or maybe there’s still feelings attached there or he hasn’t really come to terms with the fact that there’s someone new in his life and that should be taking up space in his heart and mind.
Number two, he calls you her name.
I mean, we’re all human here. Sometimes we make mistakes. I mean parents call their kids the wrong name or sometimes we call our partner the wrong name.
It all depends when it actually happens. Now what you need to look for here is if it happens, obviously consistency, sorry, consistently.
And if it happens when there is high emotion. Now, if that high emotion is intimacy and love or whether that high emotion is stress and conflict, if he slips out her name instead of your name in that high emotional moment, that is a red flag because it shows that his emotions is still attached to her.
Now, whether he’s in love with her or not doesn’t necessarily mean that that’s why he’s calling you her name.
It just could be that he hasn’t emotionally let go of her because maybe she was toxic or hurt him and therefore he’s not going to be fully present and fully emotionally available in your relationship because he’s still got ties and strings attached to what she did to him or how she made him feel.
And these high emotional states are actually triggering that.
The third thing is, he has dreams about her and he actually tells you.
Now, obviously we can’t control what it is that we dream, but our dreams are basically all the things that we’ve been thinking about in the day in our subconscious. And then being awake at nighttime.
So when we’re asleep at nighttime, that’s when our subconscious is switched on and it’s 96% into overdrive. And things that we’ve been taking in without even realizing unconsciously are then magnified in our dreams.
So if he’s dreaming about her, it’s most likely because he’s had things trigger those thoughts about her or he’s been thinking about her and has got deep underlying things or feelings and emotions about her, which haven’t actually been resolved.
Now if he says to you, “Oh, so random, I had a dream about her last night.” Before you start freaking out, I would actually say, “Oh, okay. So what was the dream about?” And then if he tells you or whatever, it could be something that you can take with a grain of salt.
It doesn’t necessarily mean that, if he says to you, “Oh, I had a dream that we were getting married again,” it doesn’t mean that he wants to go and marry her, but it could be an indication that he still has attachments there, or at least his subconscious still has attachments there.
Remember girls that when somebody gets into a new relationship with you, we all have pasts and we all have things that are buried within us that sometimes we aren’t aware of until a new person comes into our life and then pulls it forward.
Doesn’t mean that he doesn’t want to be there for you and grow something with you. But if he’s constantly dreaming about her and constantly again talking about her and saying random things like, “Oh, I had a dream about her last night.” Or, “Me and Sally used to go to that restaurant so I don’t want to go there.”
Or you know, he’s finding ways to interject her into your daily routine and your relationship, then chances are he is still thinking about her and he probably isn’t over her or how she made him feel.
Whether that’s pain or something good.
Number four, he always talks bad about her.
Now I can understand that when somebody’s hurt you and you get into a relationship with someone good, it’s almost like you think, oh, thank goodness I’ve got this great person in my life because such and such was such an idiot to me
But if he’s constantly talking about her even in a negative way, it’s kind of like, well, what does she have to do with us now? Even if she treated you like crap, clearly I’m not treating you like crap, but why do you have to compare us in the first place?
So if he’s talking negatively about her constantly, it still shows that he’s not over her and now he may not be over her because she hurt him again, not because he loves her, but either way he’s holding onto baggage because of her and is bringing that into your present relationship.
It is a red flag for him being able to be fully present and available to you and for you guys to actually move forward as a couple.
Before I get into the last really two key points that it’s obvious that he isn’t over her, what I want to do is I want to actually give you girls access to a free master class that I’m holding.
Number five, he struggles to talk about a future with you.
If you’re dating a guy and you’re wondering is he over his ex and you’re really kind of testing him because you’re saying, “Oh, can we go here in three months, or what’s happening at Christmas time, or what are we doing here and there?”
And he struggles to commit to future plans or talk about the future, and you find on top of that he happily references his past more, then that could be an indication that he really just isn’t ready to let go.
Or he’s so fearful of having a repeat of the past that he isn’t ready to actually see a future with anybody.
And lastly, number six, he still has stuff of hers lying around and he doesn’t really seem to want to get rid of it.
Massive indication if he is got pictures of her, clothes, things like that and he kind of just dismisses it or he says, “Oh well I can’t chuck that out because Amanda gave it to me.” And then he starts reminiscing about memories that he had with her, whether it was from a trip or this and that.
It means that he most likely isn’t over her and he’s still attached to her and he’s holding onto whatever he has left of her.
So there you go girls. Those are my tips. Again, if you want to know how to actually identify and attract a man who is ready to be on the same page as you, then make sure you click and register for my free webinar.